January 31, 2011

Puppy 9-1-1



This is my pup. Well, one of them, the older one.  She's my little shelter pup that I adopted 2 years ago with my then boyfriend, Matthew.  After a long messy relationship and breakup, Matt opted for the condo we had and I got the pup; I seriously couldn't have been happier with what I got. The top picture was her playing in the snow 2 weeks ago and the bottom is the first picture I took of her... gained 7 lbs and grew into her ears a bit... that's about it.
Last night was interesting. When I got home from work David showed me a small flat lump on the inside of Sable's leg. It wasn't red or swollen and it didn't hurt her when we touched it so we figured we'd call the vet in the morning and set up an appointment.
Flash forward to 10 pm and I'm crawling into bed. The pups roll over for their belly rubs and Sable's small bump has developed into a 3 in by 1 inch, very large, very red, very swollen bump. Still doesn't hurt when we touch it (at least not that she's showing) but we weren't taking any chances.  We called the emergency vet in Bridgewater and the doctor advised us to come right in saying that she feared a hernia by the way we were talking. Hernias in dogs are not like people hernias, their actual organs begin to push through their stomach linings and it can be fatal.
So the first thing we did was x-rays, which ruled out a hernia. The stomach lining is intact and the organs are all where they need to be.  Great, so whats causing it? An ultrasound shows a fluid pocket but there's no known source for it. And why did it come on so quickly?
The blood work showed a normal count of red and white blood cells but also a bacteria. However, the bacteria count was slow low that and the white blood cells seemed normal so it may be whats causing it, but we're not sure. 
After 2 hours of sitting in the room waiting for an answer, we were told they don't have one. She would need to stay the night on antibiotics and antiinflammatory medicine until they can have a surgeon take a look at her.
Leaving the vet, I cried. probably from horomones but I just cried. By the time we got home I was so tired I passed out before I hit the pillow and didnt wake up until 6 when my alarm went off. Snooze. Back to bed til 8:15 am. Wow.

The doctor just called to give us an update...

The swelling is still there but seems to have gone down a bit. They are sending out a citology to ensure that it's not cancerous but it looks like they will be bale to treat it medicinally, rather than surgically. She'll have antibiotics for two weeks and the antiinflammatory for a week. Couple that with warm compresses two or three times a day and a check up in a day, and we've got a sick little puppy. Now I just have to wait the next hour until I can go up and get her. 

Driving home, David and I had the talk about what would happen if it was somethign surgical or cancerous. What if she could "give it" to Bailey? Thankfully we spent much less than we expected to last night, but while we're looking at moving and a first,last,and security for that place it reeeeallly was inconvenient. Yes, I'm an asshole. My puppy being sick is inconvenient. I've already been stressed about money and the living situation and now I'm not sure whats going on with my puppy.  I wish I could say I'll do anything to make her better but we have a small savings account and a baby on the way. My hospital bills and the baby's care needs to be the priority. I would hate to have to get rid of her but that's the reality of a family vs. a dog. Thankfully the doctor seems to think this will go away with the medicine and we can reevaluate from there.

I'm very sad and very happy right now. Clearly I'm not at the school right now but I'm covering a shift at the restaurant tonight so it makes up for it.  Tomorrow's the ultrasound for Baby Gifford, Wednesday Ill be in the school, and I have a sub job for Thursday already. We'll make it work, we always do.

January 30, 2011

A rock & a hard place.

What do you do if you know you need to help someone but you dont know how to?
Wheres that manual for life?

How do you say "I'm scared for you" without scaring them away and how do you tell them you dont like who they've become without ensuring they leave forever?


Could it just be that easy? Ho do you tell someone you love them and you want to help them without hurting them and making it worse?

Is there a number or an expert you bring with you? Or do you just have to wait until they detsroy themselves and be there to pick up the pieces?

Self-conscious.

I've always been very concerned with what other people thought of me.  My mom raised me that I am an amazing young woman and I should be proud of that but I was one of those people that ALWAYS found a flaw in myself. When I was younger, I wasn't as good at dance as my cousin. When I got a bit older, I didn't have as many boyfriends as my friends. With my chest came a larger stomach as well. Then my awkward awkward, let me repeat AWKWARD middle school/high school years...

I was never unpopular. I always had friends and something to do but part of me always felt inadequate. It may have been that most of my friends were sports players (soccer, specifically and well-- I hate running) or SUPER smart, and I was always just mediocre. I didn't stand out as anything and eventually I decided I liked that. I did well in school, but I wasn't the best. I had a group of friends, but I wasn't the most popular girl in school. Comfortable but without too much pressure.

I some how found a new sense of pressure in college. I HAD to have labels and bags and be a part of everything. I suddenly had to have a 4.0 and I have no idea why.  Looking back, I don't know. Nothing made me try and be better but I pushed myself harder than I ever had. It led to my deterioration.

I was so hard on myself everyday that I finally cracked. The day is still fuzzy and I push it out of my head because I never want to remember how unhappy and low I let myself get.  there was never a reason for it. My life was wonderful.  I went to college, I had friends, I was super involved in school and I really had very few cares. So why was I so unhappy and why did I have to be "better" all the time?

In a MUCH smaller scale, I feel like that now. I'm not concerned about attempting what I did before but I feel the same emotional exhaustion.  This time however, I am something.

I'm a wife. Soon to be a mother. A full time Master's student. A full time employee. Mom to two puppies. A substitute teacher. And so much more. I am ALWAYS busy. Of course I'm stressed. But I guess now instead of being better I just thought I'd be more.  I thought I'd be more than just a student with waitressing job. And more than just a two bedroom apartment in New Bedford. Why do I push myself to be so much? Why is it so important to me to be a teacher and have a house and not feel like the world is pushing against me most of the time?

I'm very happy being who I am. Yes, I wish I had more or had accomplished more but for once it doesn't make me question who I am as a person. Is that growing up? Is that self-esteem? Or is it just the realization that most of the things you expect to happen as a child, don't happen when you get older? How do you discern between pushing yourself and being too hard on yourself?

I have dreams and goals and I know one day I will get them but right now I feel emotionally exhausted. And the best part is, for once I don't care that people can see me at less than 100%.  I'm ok struggling. Its stressful and it drives me crazy but I don't care that other people know that I'm strapped for money and that I live in a disgusting city. I don't care that people know that I work at a restaurant and haven't found my true career yet. I don't care what you think of me.

My mom loves me, my husband loves me, I have siblings who love and look up to me and honestly, I like being me. It may have taken me just shy of 25 years to accomplish, but I am truly happy with who I am and now I just need to work on what I'm becoming.

To quote someone who has it figured out more than me:

"Gosh, I don't think that I've ever been stressed out. Why would I be? I've got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze and I've got a KILLER rack."

January 29, 2011

Day 25 — A recipe

Yep--

Skipping it. I wrote a blog earlier today which I'm counting as day 25 and I seriously am not a chef worth copying my recipes.
Call my mom; she's an amazing cook.

A reminder.

Last night I barely slept; I think just too much on my mind. I try VERY hard not to get focused on the downsides of life and let it get me down but this week has just been blah.

This morning I was reminded how very lucky I am.

I woke up to a back rub from my husband, concerned because I hadn't slept well. David and I felt baby kick (quite a bit) as we laid in bed, and the puppies snuggled with us.

And most importantly, a plan my mom and I have been trying to put together seems to be happening. Nothing makes me re-evaluate my own life and look at things in perspective better than when I'm doing something to help someone else.  makes me distracted and I realize how different things could be.

One of my younger cousins found a lump in her brain; she's 11 years old.  It's benign but still very scary for all of us.  On New Years she made a list of her "wishes" for 2011 which include a trip to Greece, seeing Mary Poppins live, and going to the American girl store.  This was before we knew it was benign.

Could you imagine that those are your three wishes for the year?  If someone told me there was something growing in my brain I would be going insane. Trips to places I had never seen, buying luxuries I'd never get to have and this little girl wants to see a play and go to a store (she had the Greece thing right :D ) Kind of makes you rethink your values, doesn't it?

Because they live in PA the American girl store is not close by any stretch.  There's New York City and the Natick Collection. We can do that. And then I get an email. Apparently being a theater going/loving geek has paid off because my inbox shows an email for a special discounted rate on... wait for it.... MARY POPPINS TICKETS!

This is perfect right? Everything is falling into place and it makes me so happy.  I'm stressed about which apartment I'm going to have and which if the jobs I have is going to have me work, and I'm stressed because I have a baby on the way. Seriously, STFU Heather.

An 11 year old's dream is to take a train to visit, go see a play and go to a store with her cousins and I'm stressed out because of opportunities being presented in front of me.  I feel like an ass. I'm just really glad that I have people in my life who can remind me how wonderful everything I have is.

So today, do something silly, play/call a friend, get excited about something small and remind yourself that one day, those were the only things that mattered.

January 28, 2011

Today I am angry.

I am usually a very happy person; sometimes I get stressed, but VERY rarely, I get angry.
Today I am very angry.

The Wareham complex cashed my check. To me, that's a good sign. We watched another person come in and pick up his check because he had decided not to go to the Wareham apartments. So if they cashed it, that must mean we have something right? Well when I called Wareham, they told me to email the management company so I did. No response back all day. Ugh.

Go to work. My manager is a moron but I'll leave it at that. You know those people that you look at and you are like how did you physically make it this far in life? The people that you see walk towards you and you brace for your blood to start boiling because you seriously just don't want to breathe the same air they do? Ya, that's her. She's a moron. She makes me hate being at work. thank god I like everyone else.

I ordered a book from Amazon yesterday and paid extra for overnight shipping so I could read and get my assignemnt done for Tuesday's class. When the package still hadn't arrived at 4 when I left for work I left a note on my mailbox that said "Please leave the package for me  if no one answers the door. I NEED it for class and can not wait until Monday to receive it." I printed and signed my name so that it could be left. Nope. Came home to a "1st delivery attempt" slip from UPS. Fuck you.

And to top it all off, I'm still angry from the other day.  Now this is the first time that I have to play the "if I write about this I may hurt some one's feelings" game with the blog but I find the more I get out the better I feel so I apologize if I upset anyone but at the same time, I was upset by their actions.
We went to lunch and our bill was 43 dollars. Now I purposely ate a very inexpensive meal so I could order dessert and still be around the 20 dollar mark.
My meal (soup and bread sticks): 6.95
My drink (Shirley temple): 2.95
My dessert(mousse cake-yum!):6.50
Grand total: 16.40

Now 43.00-16.40+ 1.50 (round up for tax)= $25.10

They had a real meal, a glass of wine and a dessert.

The person I was with had two $20's and 3 $1's and proceeded to leave $23 so they didn't have to break the other $20. Not only did they not pay for their whole bill but neglected the tax and the server's tip entirely. Now I know it's only an extra few bucks to cover there meal and tip ( I ended up putting 19.47 on my "half" of the bill) but then I felt obligated to still leave our VERY GOOD server a GOOD tip.  I ended up leaving $27 for my $16 meal because someone else didn't want to break a $20?? How did I get a bowl of soup and a soda and end up paying more than your legit meal and glass of wine?!?
David and I do well. We are not rich by any stretch, but we also aren't concerned about getting booted out of our apartment anytime soon but with a baby, maternity leave, subbing up in the air and the rest-- why should I cover for someone else? They didn't even say thanks for covering their extra! Its like it was just expected that I would cover it, and I did. Needless to say I will reconsider meals out with them next time...

I know its silly and stupid but it really upset me and now that I've put it on "paper" I feel a little better.  The anger has subsided slightly and tomorrow's another day. Cross your fingers its a good one and I get some answers.

Day 24 — A movie no one would expect you to love

This topic is actually surprisingly difficult for me to write on. 
I like movies. I like them a lot. And now that I can go watch them for free while David's at work, or if he comes with me, I like them even more. However, I went through a phase where I needed to own every DVD ever made and now.. ehhh. They just dont have the appeal. I'll grab one every once in a while before bed but usually I have a book instead.
If you look at my current movie collection, which has been whittled down quite a bit in the past few years, the first thing you'll notice is my ungodly collection of Disney movies. Not just Disney, but ANIMATED Disney. I'm a five year old, it's fine. 
Next you see our "stupid funny" movies... Superbad, SNL Specials, Robin Hood: Men In Tights, Borat, etc.
Next: The girly movies: Sex and the City Seasons, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, Serendipity, etc.
And finally: The Action/Drama/Superhero movies: Die Hard, Spiderman, The Dark Knight, etc.
No where in there will you find a scary movie, a gross gut infested movie, or a documentary. Even suspensful, frigthening movies are yucky.
I have an extremely active imagination and after seeing the Ring, I couldn't look out my bedroom window at night or use the bathroom without turning on every single light on the way. I know it's fake but my crazy dreams are pretty vivid and I can imagine and recreate just about anything I (don't) want it to.
That being said, I throughly enjoy Zombieland, The Sixth Sense, and Gone Baby Gone. All gross "somethings going to jump out at you" movies. I dont know why. They are definately not favorites but I like them and I think that they are unexpected for me.
Honestly: give me Dispicable Me, The Other Guys, or just about anything with Will Ferrell in it, and I'll be a happy little scootch.

January 27, 2011

Day 23 — A way in which you want to be remembered

So I know this will sound funny but I hope someone builds a library in my name one day.
Maybe I'll be some amazing teacher who works at the same school for 50+ years and they end up renaming the library after me.  That would be amazing and the most ideal way to be remembered because then not only did you make enough of a difference to matter, but it had to do with education and literacy.
I dont know, its my weird little dream and who knows... maybe one day...

January 26, 2011

My brain is a hodgepodge.

I feel like there are 82,004 things going on in my head and I'm having a hard time keeping everything organized.  Its weird though because I kind of like having things up in the air. Its stressful but I feel like I have so much going on and Id rather be overly busy than sitting alone in my apartment every day. So hopefully by writing it all out this post will help me clear up my brain and give the world some insight to what the eff is going on right now, because I'm not really sure either.

1. This blog. I have over 800 views, not counting my own. In 3 weeks? That's crazy to me. I don't even talk about anything good. Haha. It's crazy what this electronic desire to know everyones life is doing to people; I wonder how many people read this that I actually know. The demographics stem to England, Canada and even one view from Australia. how interesting can my life be that some from Australia viewed this blog? This blog full of books Ive read, useless knowledge about things I like and don't like, and that's about it. It's cool. It's weird, but it is still very cool.

When I was younger a blog destroyed my self esteem and what I thought was a developing relationship. Oh well. I never thought I'd be writing one and people would actually read it.  I am hoping that in the next few months I can document the next steps in my and David's lives. Hopefully, one day we'll look back at it and laugh at how ridiculous we were and it may even be a good start for baby and a way to keep everyone else in the loop. Between pictures, videos, and posts, I hope to keep people in the loop who wouldn't normally get to see us or the little one as much as they'd like.

2. The living situation. As I've mentioned before, we are moving. A week ago I would have said we are moving across the cul-de-sac to another apartment in the same complex we are in now. For anyone who doesn't know or has never been here we live in The Residences at Buttonwood Park.  It's a nice place, it really is.  We're on the New Bedford/Dartmouth line and honestly, once you pull into our place with the grass and the very few people around, you wouldn't know it;s New Bedford, but it is. And it always will be. I have tried very hard to assimilate to the area and I've done well but if I found something in the same price point that's just as nice, or nicer, and not in New Bedford I would move in a heartbeat. Which brings me to my next bit of information. We found another place called The Village at 815 Main Street.  It's in Wareham and its GORGEOUS. It's a brand new development that was just finished in August and started leasing in October.  I found a 2 bedroom town home on Sunday and went in first thing Monday morning to talk to someone about getting in.

When I arrived the woman was going through messages from the weekend but paused to inform me that they had no vacancies and had leased or promised every 2 bedroom town home unit already but if I wanted to fill out a card they would be in touch. Half way through filling out my contact information, a message is played and it is a gentleman asking to remove his hold on his unit because he had decided to go to the Pinehills instead. Oh.em.gee- it was destiny. So the woman looked at me and said, well we just had one open if you'd like to take a look.  A half hour later I had finished all the paperwork I needed for my application. David went when he got out of work to do his part of the application and now we are playing the waiting game.

So best case, Wareham comes back in a week and says we can move in asap. The unit is vacant and then all we'd have to do is work it out with where we are now to stay for a bit. The complicated part is that our lease here is up Jan 31st however, we have been planning on moving to another unit across the way. We were originally told that the other tenant would be out on the 31st and then the complex requires 5 to 7 days to clean up, do repairs and get it ready for us and then we would have another week to move between the two units. Which to me, puts our move out date at Feb 14th-ish. I imagine then they would use the 5 to 7 days to clean up our unit and would begin renting it on the first of march.  However, I don't know if we will hit any complications if we ask to just move outright on the 15th.  I also don't want to ask our current person any of this and complicate things further if for some reason we don't get approved for Wareham. But since we are still waiting for Buttonwood to update us or tell us what's happening (we haven't heard form them in about 2 weeks) its getting slightly stressful.  I know it will work out, it always does, its just weird being up in the air and not knowing for sure.

3. Speaking of not knowing lets talk about work. The preschool is still at a standstill and Friendly's has become a Friday, Saturday, Sunday thing but the subbing is not as consistent as I thought. I didn't get a call Monday, got 2 calls yesterday, didn't get a call today. tomorrow looks like it will be a snow day so who knows. I really don't want to crawl back to Friendly's especially since there is still hope for the preschool pending my doctors appointment. If you missed that, catch up here.  Yea, it's fun. So I'm stuck and the longer I sit stuck the less money I have coming in.  We'll be fine-- we always are but it's stressful.  I canvased Indeed.com today and applied at so many places, including places in Wareham Crossing (yes, I'm remaining optimistic about the townhouse). 

4. The baby. Its still weighing on my mind that the baby is smaller than what they expected to be at my last appointment but I know there's nothing I can do or think about until my next ultrasound on the 1st.  hopefully the little one will cooperate this time and actually flip around so we can see it's heart and double check everything. Unfortunately, Ill still have to wait another week before I get to talk to the doctor and find out if I'm having a little baby or a baby later in the month. Little one is a scootch, that's for sure.

5. Last but not least, school. Yep, it started again. I love school, I really do. Three graduate courses Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights. Really it'll be easy.  My Tuesday night course is on teaching English mostly focusing on Literary Theory and Criticisms, thank you Jadwiga Smith for my crazy "shoulda been a grad class" undergrad class at BSU. I'm all set. Wednesday nights is how to teach English to Middle school and High school specifically. Yep. Our two major texts are The Giver and The Book Thief. Plus its with a teacher I've already had so I know she's easy. Not easy, it's a lot of work but I know her grading scale and she seems fine enough. Now Thursdays, I'm not so sure.  It's a class on Urban Social Issues and how they play into being an educator. The class seems easy enough but I've never had the professor and I think its the first professor I've ever had whose not on Ratemyprofessor.  I've been told he's a good teacher but we'll see. 

Speaking of which, I don't think I'm going to class tonight.  The school is closed at 6 pm and there's a parking ban at 5 pm.  My class is from 4-6:30.  I'm thinking if it's too dangerous for me to go out at 6, I probably shouldn't go out at 4 pm.  Just a thought. Great way to start the semester.  In my defense, I did email the teacher and ask but she has not responded. So instead I think I will put a roast in the oven for dinner and get some cleaning done. Ive already accomplished 4 loads of laundry today and brought out the trash.  I'd go return bottles and cans but if I'm going to drive to do that, I can drive to go to school, which Id rather not do.  I know how to drive in snow, I have an SUV, but most people are retarded and can not comprehend how to drive when there's white stuff floating down.


Now I don't want to be a complete Negative Nelly today. I am very excited about all of the opportunities that are coming up in my life, it's just hard to not have control of them since I always have control (and I must say my stress level is RIDICULOUSLY low for everything going on). I will end this extremely long blog with a couple of positive notes.

1. Mom bought us a baby gift already! it's so exciting and every time someone mentions the baby or the showers or life post-delivery, I get so excited. Baby makes me smile.

2. Since this just came on Pandora and always makes me smile, I'll share it with you.


Cross your fingers for me, say a prayer or do whatever you do-- it'll all work out. <3

Day 22 — A website


I adore this website. They have so many fun and interesting items that you really wouldnt see anywhere else.

Etsy is like an online fleamarket for crafters.  You can create a site, sell your stuff, or bid to make items for other people. david and I had our wedding table numbers made through Etsy and they came out amazingly well.  Browse around or search for a random word like "baby" and see what comes up!

January 25, 2011

Day 21-- Something you know you do differently than most people


So I know that I do this differently than most people buuuuut one of my sisters has caught on and I caught her doing the same thing...

You know when you get a cupcake, most people eat the frosting first?
I dont.
I rip the bottom half of the cake off, flip it over and on top of the frosting and make a little cake and frosting sandwich and THEN I eat it.

I have no idea why I do it but I am pretty sure the cupcake tastes better that way; its the perfect ration of cake to frosting in every bite.

I added the picture of Cupcake Charlie's cupcakes because, well, they are amazing. Pretty much the most fabulous cupcakes I ever eaten in my life.  So good in fact, they were our rehersal dinner "cake" for the night before our wedding.

Get more info on Cupcake Charlie's here!

January 24, 2011

Day 20 — A hobby of yours

My favorite little hobby is...

SCRAPBOOKING!

Yep, I'm cool. I love it.  I've spent WAY too much money on stickers and papers and albums but I have some of the greatest looking memories from the past few years.  I definately slacked off on it last year because I honestly didnt have much time but I'm really hoping to go back and a. do the wedding pictures and b. start a really amazing baby album.

Im always impressed with scrapbooks because, if they're done right, you can preserve those memories for so long. I LOVE my books from sophomore and junior year at school.  So many events that I forgot about (or don't remember attending-whoops!), people I love, and everytime I look at them, it reminds me of how happy or crazy my life was at the time.

I like to take the  idea of scrapbooking and make collage frames or even cards for people so if you need any "artsy" stuff crafted-- let me know!

January 23, 2011

Day 19 — A talent of yours

Well this post is going to suck because I have no fun talents. Seriously.

I can't yo-yo, breakdance, or even whistle.  I suck.

I'm ridiculously organized and an amazing planner but that's about it and its a pretty sad excuse for a talent.

If anyone thinks of a talent I have, let me know. Maybe I'll re-write this blog later.

January 22, 2011

Day 18 — A time when you felt passionate and alive

It was really long time ago and I almost feel guilty bringing it up now because it makes me realize how long I've been neglecting it.

When I was younger I was very involved in church. No, I'm not one of those people who believes that a man in a robe is going to meet me at some pearly set of gates, but that's beside the point.. that's the not the focus of this blog.  The most passionate I have ever felt about "doing" something was when I was sixteen years old, well the week of February vacation when I was turning 16 years old.  2002? Shit. I spent a week working in a shelter, a Boys & Girls Club and the Food Bank.

I know Ive said before that when I was younger I was convinced I was going to go to other countries and help the poorest and most unfortunate people I could find, but with my resources, this was the best i could do. Which brings me back to church.  It was a mission trip with my Youth Group.  We spent a week in Boston, staying in a rectory, and each morning we would go to a new place and help out. For five days.  My birthday was the Wednesday of that week and i remember being in the conference room of the Greater Boston Food Bank and they gave me a t-shirt to celebrate my birthday. That's all I wanted.

Granted, i had an AMAZING 16th birthday courtesy of my mom but in that day, right there, that's all I needed. In my small way, i was living out the dream I had created and was making the world better just by being in it and doing something. Between my trip to Belize and my desire to do a Habitat project, I know that I will never stop wanting to d these things, and the more I can bring them into my life, the more fulfilling it will be.  The shirt I was given had a quote on it and 'll never forget it; makes you questions what you do and maybe, even make you a better person:

Live simply, so others may simply live.

<3

Pillows.

I love pillows. If you have ever looked at my bed over the past 10 years, you know I have a problem. I used to have a twin bed with 6 pillows on it at my moms. College was the same way. I love comfort. Pillows and throw blankets, you just cant have enough.

For the past two months, I have been waking up every 2 or 3 hours during the night. Either to reposition, get a drink, use the bathroom, push a puppy off of me, etc. Lately, it's been really bad.  On Thursday night, like I posted before, I barely slept at all. Thankfully I had slept a lot on Thursday so I was okay but the less sleep I get, the more my back hurts and the crankier I can get. Well yesterday we got home from registering and I took a nap. But I stole David's pillows at some point.  One behind my back, one between my legs. I slept for 3 hours straight, in the middle of the day. Last night I tucked myself into bed at 10 pm while Dave was still on the computer... and I stole his pillows again, figuring he'd take them back when he came to bed.

He didn't. I usually wake up at about 12:30 or 1 to use the bathroom or get a drink, which is when he turns off his computer and comes to bed. He figures I'm already up so he wont disturb me when he lays down. He waited last night and I never woke up. I slept straight through until 4 am!! That's 6 whole hours of continuous sleep!!

He told me he came to bed around 12:30 but since he didn't want to bother me he went out to the living room and took the pillows off the sectional. Seriously, I love him.

He is so thoughtful and amazing and sometimes I forgot all of that so its nice that I can share this trivial stuff with everyone! Needless to say "Buy more pillows" has just been added to my to-do list for today!

January 21, 2011

Movement

 I guess I should add that I regularly feel baby movements now. I guess I forgot to mention it to people. Sorry. :(

This morning was pretty wonderful though. After getting calle dout of work, David and I took advantage of our morning off together (c'mon people... I'm pregnant, we all knew it was happening...) and when we were done he rested his hand on my stomach.  I felt baby and David yanked his hand and jsut started smiling-- he felt it too! I thought it was cute, David assumed the baby was pissed because we disturbed it's sleep. Haha.

I know it seems so small and trivial but a few weeks ago when I wasnt feeling ANYTHING from the little one I was nervous thats omething was wrong but now that I can feel it and apparently, other people can too, I am so excited. I promise I'll be better about updating what goes on with the little one so everyone can be included!

Feeling Better.

Although I barely slept last night, I woke up this morning feeling much better. Still a little queasy here or there but I did alright most of the day. I got a phone call from Fall River cancelling my sub job because of the snow and it was quickly followed by Friendlys telling me that my shift tonight was cancelled.  A full day off after pretty much being off yesterday. Boo.

David and I decided to go start our registries at Target and BabiesRUs so that we have plenty of time to add, delete, and edit it as it gets closer. Plus with it a weekday and snow, we knew the places would be empty.  Sure enough they were. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.  I was crippled over in an aisle dying because David was hilarious.

Everyone knows that we're trying to make this baby a surprise. It gets harder every time we start looking at stuff but we REALLY want it to be a surprise. Well with David and his "gun" in hand, there were times where you seriously thought we were having a girl... pink socks, ruffly onsies, and other super boy things, like a bib that said "Chicks Dig Me". He accepts full responsibility if its a girl and its a lesbian. Great.

Now some people on here know the godfather, Derek Lakey. He's a mess. I love him and he's a mess. He CAN NOT go through a conversation with me without using the word "placenta" so what does David do? Tries to find anything and everything that says "placenta".  Thankfully not many things do so he moved on to scanning anything he could find that said "nipple".

My god, we got the funniest looks from other people.  He would jump and try and scan things, pull the 007 moves around the corner and would yell about the most ridiculous things he could find.  He INSISTED we add a mosquito net for the carriage to our registry because he wants people to laugh then they see the baby in a net. Seriously? He's so lucky I love him...

However the best, and I mean BEST part was when we were at Target.  target is a bit trickier than BabiesRUs because you have to lift each item and scan the actual bar code on the item, not just the bar code on the price tag in front of the item.  Our Target is undergoing a remodel so there were about 6 employees working in the baby section, resetting it.  David didn't understand that repeatedly scanning the front code wasn't working and you had to literally lift the item so I said "You need to pull it out".  His response:

"If I had pulled it out in the first place, we wouldn't be doing this right now".  I nearly pissed myself laughing.  Couple that with all the employees gapping in horror and I couldn't take it. David was BEAMING because he was so proud of his little remark. I dont know how he does it but I love him.

In true pregnant fashion, I came home and took a 3 hour nap with the pups I'm fine with it, that's what snow days are for. Couple a nap with Chinese food for dinner and chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven right now and I'd say this whole "settling down and having a family thing" is pretty wonderful. <3

Day 17-- An art piece

And in true Heather fashion, you're getting two. The first is a piece that everyone thinks is my favorite. It's easy to assume, I have a phone cover of it, a poster of it, even my little sisters have created their own versions of it for me. I love it, its a gorgeous painting but its overcommercialized and loses some of its magic that way...


Van Gogh's Starry Night

Everyone knows it and everyone loves it. I still need to get to MoMA so i can actually see it firsthand. What a lot of people dont know about me is that I'm a super art geek.  I LOVE art, to the point where I took 4 art history classes at Bridgewater State my first two years because I was convinced that I could minor in it and not kill myself from an overloaded course load.

There are very few paintings that I can't tell who they are just by looking at them.  I love Van Gogh, Klimt, Botticelli, Monet, Manet, Dali, Michaelangelo, Raphaelle, Leonardo, Seurat, Renoir, Vermeer, and of course my favorite painting is by another very famous artist: Picasso.


Now depending on where you look its entitled "Hands with Flowers", "Flower Bouquet", or "Bouquet of Flowers", which as you can understand makes it slightly difficult to find.

I ahve no idea why I love it so much. It's juvenile, it's bright, it's happy and not enough other people have disected it for me to tell me what its supposed to mean.  And isnt that why people gravitate towards art-- because it ahs no meaning? To me it looks like flowers, but tomorrow, it could be a peace offering, and the next day it could be lovers exchanging a gift. I cant ask Picasso or anyone who would have been around when it was made so I have to let me mind imagine what it wants and get lost in the simplicity that it is.

January 20, 2011

Blah. Again.

Either baby hates me for my mean comments yesterday about how life would be less complicated if I wasnt planning around 3 or I've caught a stomach bug. Whomp whomp.

I was fine last night, woke up this morning and took a swig of OJ and it stayed down for maybe 3 minutes.  Tried some cranberry juice, yep. Shit. So lets go substitute without being able to keep anything down.  I popped ina  handful of Trix and called it a morning. Trix+ apple juice on the ground next to the side of your car kind of looks like a holographic gas leak... ya, I'm odd. But the way I see it, with the little one in my stomach I need to be aware of what I take in and what comes back out-- I almost feel like I'm 8 weeks pregnant again and will vomit just from looking at food. Oh well, lets see how subbing goes.

I get there, great-- half day-- I'll be done by 11:30. And theres an assembly 3rd and 4th period with a planning period 2nd. Easy enough.  Minus vomming 3 times before 3rd period and then we hear "the announcement".  The assembly presenters are late and the 7th graders (which I was with) would not be going until 5th period. Great-- I have lesson plans for 5th and 6th period but not for 3rd and 4th. Thank god I know Math. Similar, scale ratios, pre-algebra-- great. Finished the day with an assembly and a quick vom run. I could not wait to get home.  Home by 12, asleep by 12:15, slept til 2:30.  Im ok with it.

Attempted flat gingerale, nope, koolaid packets, nope, milk, nope. Ugh. Finally caved and decided I needed to eat SOMETHING and settled on Life cereal.  I am happy to report it has stayed down even though the water came back up.  I dont get it.  David's going to bring me home gatorade so I dont get dehydrated and still get the eletrolytes and stuff I need. I would but I'm seriously comfy in my bed watching HIMYM. He's wonderful; I love him.

but since I proised to blog for 30 days straight... its challenge day 16 which brings me to a song that makes me cry. I'm not even explaining this one, I tear up every time and I'm not even ashamed. If you dont cry, well, I just dont know.

Things are gonna work out fine if you only will....

Shower the people you love with love.
My mom and James Taylor combined make some seriously good vibes.

And like always, Mom is right. Yesterday I was so stressed out because I did not receive a phone call from Fall River and I didnt even know if I was going to be able to just sub like I wanted to and today I was woken up by a call from Fairhaven. And the Fall River. So maybe it will be ok.

That being said, I accepted the job in Fairhaven, they called first, it's closer, I've been there before-- they win. This will be the first time I've subbed since probably 2008, yikes!

Wish me luck and cross your fingers that subbing gets me into a school for real come Fall!

January 19, 2011

Day 15 — A person you admire

Original Draft: 8:02 am.

Maya Angelou.
My mom.
My gradmother.
Tony Esposito.
Jennifer Smith.
Thats five to start.
There are a lot of people I admire and everyone has a different level of admiration from me. I am going to go more into depth with two women who I admire a bit more.

Heather Hedding.

The hardest thing I ever did was leave college.  I was really the first one to go straight to college after high school from my family and the otehr grandkids my age seemed to have no desire to go. College was always the plan for me. High school, college, become a teacher. But I couldn't just go to college, I had to go and be the absolute best. No one else ever put that stress on me but when you grow up getting all A's, it's what is expected, so imagine my shock and horror when I realized I needed to leave school.  I was unhappy and needed to get out. I felt like I had disappointed my entire family and that I had let myself down.

I met Heather through my mom. Heather's mom Lisa works with my mom and their friendship led to dinners at Unos which led to a very awkward conversation about being Heather's mom and so not to seem like lesbians who had a daughter named Heather, I became Heather and she became "Other Heather". 
The first time I really got to "hang out" with her was at my graduation party from Bridgewater.  I laughed so hard the whole time. She is an aamzing young woman who has a vivacity for life that I wish I had.  She is just a very happy person who makes other people happy.
Fast forward a few months and she's at my house for Halloween. I found out that she struggled with college the same way I did. I didnt know what I was doing there and why I was spending the time and money to be there. I loved my friends but it didnt feel "right" anymore. She also had to face her parents and be strong enough to stand up for herself.
I admire her for that.
I also admire her for her relationship with her younger brother, Kevin. One day I'm going to marry Kevin, or so he says.  I always want to say he's four (even though he's not-- it's just what I think of him as) and is autistic and I have never seen a sister so involved with her brother.  She may be the best big sister ever, and coming from me, that's a big deal. :P
She will do great things one day. She reminds me a lot of myself, second guessing and questioning everything but she lives life with such a passion and happiness that I didnt have that I cant imagine a million doors NOT opening for her in her future. She will change the world, even if it's only her brothers, and I admire her for that.

Angelina Fuller

I may be biased here because she is one of my best friends, but maybe thats why I she is one of my best friends, because I admire who she is as a person.
The girl has been dealt some pretty bad hands, has been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and taken much more crap than she shold have ever had to. No matter what, she's strong and powers through.
She is going through a lot right now, and because emotions can sometimes run high and I do not have much protection on the blog (meaning anyone can read it) I dont want to complicate events even farther. I'll simply leave it at the fact that I love, envy, and admire her strength.
She said to me one day that she was afraid she spent so much time being positive for everyone else that she forgot to say some positive for herself. I nearly cried for her right then.
I've watched her grow and mature in the five years that I've known her and she continues to aspire me with her dedication to her friends and her schoolwork regardless of what obstacles are thrown at her.



Updated as of 3:40 pm.

My blah mood this morning kind of put me in a gross spot.  I was quetsioning whether or not I should post on the blog because really, who gives a shit? Its just my thoghts and emotions and while I'm sure no on really cares that I'm in crisis over what classes to take, it makes me feel better to be writing and getting all of my thoughts out of my head. So I left the blog unpublished.  Its hard to write about who you admire and how much they have their life togetehr when you feel like your grabbing at scraps.
However, at 2:30 I went to wal-mart to go buy some file folders and a file box so I could organize bills, taxes, car information, etc so nothing gets lost in the move and I recieved a message on Facebook from someone telling me how amazed they were by me that I could post my thoughts and feelings online and not be concerned that people would judge me for them.  They said I gave them someone to admire and look up to because they hoped to have the same confidence themselves one day.

I am glad I am posting this article, even if it was originally written 8 hours ago because it always makes me laugh that someone can admire me while I sit in admiration of them.

But my ahdn hurts because I have typed WAY too much today so enjoy aand we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Today I Feel Blah.

Which is a very rare occurance for me.  I usually am optimistic and even if I am concerned or upset about something, I try and mask it until I figure something else out. Today I feel defeated though.

I've already written about the preschool and how excited I was to be offered the job. Here's the catch: I had to have a physical, record of TB & MMR, and a note from the doctor that says word for word: "Able to work in a preschool setting with children without any restrictions".  The physical looks good, I have a record of my MMR but not of any TB and the doctor won't write me a note because the job would require lifting children, cleaning with bleach, and cleaning the children's diapers.  I cried. Literally sat in my car after the doctors and cried.  This was yesterday.

I called the preschool and informed them of what my doctor said but told them I wanted a second opinion from my OB since they know me and my pregnancy much better than this primary care doctor who I went to for the first time yesterday, however I can not get in to see a doctor until my next scheduled appointment on February 8th. Wah.

The preschool seems understanding and she said that they will leave my file open until I get to my OB and we can progress from there, so its not entirely gone yet. But what to do in the meantime?

I've already told Friendly's that I would only be working Friday nights and the weekends.  I'd look like a superdouche if I went back and said "hey, I can work Monday through Friday again but I probably wont be able to again in 3 weeks".  I don't want to do that. So I figured I would stick to subbing until I can figure it out.

Its scary as hell because you never know if they're actually going to call or not and if they dont call, you make no money for the day.  Fall River has called me every day since they said my CORI had cleared and I was set to work.  They didnt call today.  Is that a sign? God's way of saying I'm a moron and should just go back to Friendlys? Hate my job with guarenteed pay or love what I do but fear not making the money? I'm stuck.

It wouldnt be so bad if the baby wasnt coming. I know I'm an ass for saying it, but everything I do now revolves around the baby.  Like David said, if I sub in Fall River, they know me and I have a better chance at a full teaching job come Fall. Much better for the baby and our family than if I continue to be a supervisor at Friendlys.  I love this baby, please dont ever get me worng or think otherwise, but I feel like this would be less stressful if I wasnt weighing he or she into the equations. I guess this is growing up.

Next week classes start again. I am super excited, I love school but I am doing what I do every semester-- am I really doing what I want to do? I'm enrolled as an MAT student at Umass Dartmouth for Middle/Secondary English but since I was little, I always lean towards Elementary.  I started Elementary at Bridgewater State University as an Undergrad but after taking a medical leave, I simply wanted to finish and graduate. Thankfully I was smart and took classes that would work for both majors my first semester of grad school.  Now I'm waiting to find out if one of my classes will work to satisfy one of my requirements.  So what do I do? I've never been able to decide and now I feel like I'm really at the point where I need to make that decision. I think I'd rather be an elementary teacher than a middle school teacher but how do you ever really make that decision? Is there somethign wrong with me because I cant?

This is whats on my mind. I hate it.  I hate that I have to wait on other people and I can't control this.  Thankfully we're moving in just a couple weeks and I can spend my unpaid day off packing boxes and getting ready for that. 

I know it will all work out, because it always does but this time, I cant wiat for it to all make sense again. I feel silly complaining about all this because other people are dealing with way bigger problems but maybe its my emotions or horomones or whatever, but I needed to vent, and isnt that what blogs are for... write down all your thoughts and feelings without having to face someone else's immediate reaction to what you're thinking?

January 18, 2011

Day 14 — A vacation you would like to take

I'm not much of a vacation person.  I eventually get restless and want to go home or back to work.  Even our honeymoon was local and short because I cant justify losing the hours at work or leaving the puppies behind.  To me, a vacation is just multiple days off and everyone knows I go crazy on a day off because I spend too much money and run out of things to do OR I overbook myself and spend the day driving all over.  I'd rather spend the half day at work making money, as horrible as that sounds.
All that said, there are a few places I am hoping to go in the next few months. 

1. Im currently booking my birthday weekend at Mohegan Sun.  Local-- big surprise.  One night only and fun without breaking the bank.

2. New York City. I try and go at least once a year, but its more often twice.  I just love the city and the hustle.  I get in some shopping and spend absoluetly no time relaxing-- I love it. I want to go back and find the castle in Central Park since I found Alice on my last visit.

3. Disney.  David and I have already discussed doing this in a few years when the little one is older.  He's never been and I havent been in probably ten years.  It really is a magical place and I cant wait to share it with my family one day.

4. Belize City.  This place holds such a special place in my heart and I wish I could take David there so he could experience it for himself.

5. Greece, Austrailia, Rome, London.  These are all my dream places. I doubt I'll ever make it to those places but they are all places that David and I are hoping to get to and maybe when we're older and more financially sound we'll be able to. I never thought I would have seen Paris or Belize and that happened.

If anyone wants to contribute or can make any of these happen faster for me... let me know. :)

January 17, 2011

Day 13 — A guilty pleasure

Oops, I have far too many guilty pleasures! I dont see anythign wrong with having a guilty pleasure, especially not multiple ones.  I love them and depending on the serverity of guilt, you could enjoy one everyday!

Bubble baths, getting a manicure, GOOD chocolate (like Godiva, Lindt, etc...), purses, crappy shows like Pretty Little Liars (which is on tonight-- watch it!!), Chris Farley anything, and going shopping-- especially for shoes!!

I know guilty pleasures are supposed to be these embarrassing things you do that you love that you dont want anyone to know, but I seem to associate spoiling myself with a guilty pleasure.  I try not to do them often because, let's face it, I can always find something else I need the money for ( ie. the $80 worth of groceries I just bought this morning) and feel bad spending the $20 on myself to go get a manicure.  I REALLY want to get a massage but am going back and forth with it. Maybe it'll be my birthday present to myself....

January 16, 2011

Day 12 — A song that you want played at your wedding (or was played)


We had 2 songs as "ours" at the wedding: Kenny Chesney's "Me and You" (read my earlier post about the importance of Kenny to David and I) and this one, "Better Together" by Jack Johnson. 

History: David made me a CD when we first started dating and this was the first song on it.  Not many people know it or don't realize they know it but we love it and it's perfect for us.
We danced to it as the last song at our wedding and I know it sounds cliche but I seriously didn't even realize that all of our guests had formed a huge circle around us while we were dancing because I was so wrapped up in him for those few minutes.

Enjoy! <3

January 15, 2011

Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently


Today is going to be a very short post because I am absolutely exhausted from work. I picked this picture beacuse I love it, simple as that.  It was the picture we used as our FIRST Christmas card as a married couple, it's at Gilette, and my hair looks fabulous. :) David and I went to the Pats/Colts game in November, which was his FIRST Patriots game and even though it looked like the Colts were going to make a comeback, it didn't end so well for them; David has a huge mancrush on Peyton Manning so the Patriots beating them was pretty wonderful for me!

January 14, 2011

20 week ultrasound, well, maybe 18 weeks??

Today was our 20(ish) week appointment and everyone knows thats when you get to see what the gender is.  We however, will not be finding out what the baby's sex is until she or he is born.

I dont know if it's a boy or a girl but I do know that the thing is a little scootch.  It was asleep the WHOLE time we were at the doctors.  Even when the doctor had me roll over to try and help wake the baby, all it did was wiggle its little butt,stretch out its legs, and curl right back up. Cant really complain about a baby who wants to sleep, can I?

Here's a few pictures from the visit:




As you can see from the pictures, I am 19 weeks and 4 days, however, the doctor told me I was measuring smaller, closer to 18 weeks.  Anyone who knows me knows that my heart stopped beating for a moment because I thought of one of my friends who was told she was measuring small and then lost the baby.  All I could think was oh my god, I can't lose it at 20 weeks...  However, the tech told me that it could just be a timing error on their part because I had an irregularly timed period to begin with, or it could be becuase I had lost weight in the first 4 months of being pregnant and it was just resulting in a smaller baby.  My due date is presently 6/5/11, however, if the doctor deems it necessary, I could be getting my due date pushed back to 6/17/2011. We'll know a little bit more next month when I have a check up with my doctor at 24 weeks...or 22, I'm not sure anymore.

The little scootch was sleeping with his or her back to my belly and try as we might, we could not get a good picture of the heart so I'll be going back in two and a half weeks for another ultrasound.  All we could get the baby to do was yawn and curl back up.  :) 
So far, the baby has a great spinal cord so there are no concerns about spina bifida and seems to have all ten fingers and ten toes so we're doing alright for now!

This was the last picture the tech gave us before we left:


Perfect little fingers and an arm.  We're not sure if it's waving or saying leave me hell alone, I'm sleeping but I  just love the little thing.  I cant wait for June 5th, or 17th... whatever...

Day 10-- A picture of you from at least 10 years ago.


I. WAS. ADORABLE.

No need to explain this picture, I was super cute.  I also danced ALL.THE.TIME.
This was easily one of my favorite costumes ever and when mom posted it online, it made my life. Quick post because I want to do a baby update!

January 13, 2011

Day 9-- A Picture You Took

So I'm going with the sentimental on this one...



As you can tell from the awkward angle and me only being in half the picture, I took this myself as a "pull out the arm and pray to God it comes out well" kind of picture.

It's from our honeymoon in Newport in August.  We don't have many pictures of us together, let alone kissing and although we have a TON from the actual wedding, this is the only one we have from our honeymoon.

 We took a week off and had an amazing time; we didn't deal with flights or passports or anything, simply drove to Newport and stayed there for a few nights. 

This picture was taken on our last night there.  The sun was setting, the ocean was amazing and I was so happy to just be there with him. There's just something that I absolutely love about this picture (and him-- I even smile when I kiss him, if you can see it!). <3

January 12, 2011

Day 8 — A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life

So when I saw this topic I was struck with the main question: Who has changed my life?

There are the obvious candidates: my mom, my grandmother, my husband; the best friend candidates: Angelina, Emmy, CBurton; and the teachers who have made an impact: Jeffrey Morano, Tony Esposito, or Jennifer Pierson Smith but all of them seem too big for this type of assignment.  This should be reserved for someone who doesn't realize how much they have influenced your life. So here goes nothing, let's hope she reads it one day...

This woman ranks right up there with my mom in my eyes.  She is hardworking, dedicated, loyal to her relationships, and easily one of the strongest people I have ever met. 

I met this amazing woman about five years ago now at Bridgewater State and when I think of our first few months together I laugh because one day she told me she admired me, and I had thought the same about her.  She was devoted and dedicated to her school work; she was in the middle of a relationship that was so TRUE I couldn't believe that they were both college students  Most people don't have the capacity or maturity for a relationship like they have/had at that time. At that time I had no idea how important in my life she would be and I am so thankful for our talk time in my dorm room.  I truly consider her one of my best friends now.

As great as our friendship was/is, it really grew in 2009.  We took our "friend-cation" to Ft Lauderdale and I have NEVER had so much fun with someone.  The trip itself was ridiculous and amazing and when we came back it was prep time for her wedding.  Standing next to her in the church was one of the greatest honors I have had in my life and watching the two of them, I began to believe in marriage and its commitment to another person (side note: Anyone who knows me, knows this was insane for me because I NEVER wanted to get married).  I was between boyfriends and longed to have what she did.  Then they bought a house and I found myself yearning for it.  I wanted to be better, like her.  I applied to grad school and she even wrote me a recommendation.

Then I met the man who would become my husband and after a small (large) misunderstanding, we began to lose touch with each other.  I still thought about her often.  I was getting married, I had a man who looked at me the way her husband looked at her, and I felt the same way towards him. He made me happy and I wanted her to be a part of it so badly.  While I wasn't able to repair our relationship in time for her to stand next to me on the alter, she was there, and that's what matters. 

I finally felt like I was someone worth looking up to.  I had my life in order, married, in our own place, with a puppy, and it made me feel good. Like I had proven myself, like I finally deserved to be looked up to.  I had always admired her and I couldn't understand why or how she could admire me. Then I got pregnant. She found out pregnancy was going to be much more difficult than her and her husband had thought. 

I lost my first child when I was in school.  It was probably for the best.  My (ex)boyfriend at the time didn't want it and I felt lost and alone before the miscarriage, however, afterwards I felt like there was something wrong with me; like I was damaged.  When she found out they would have complications, she remained strong and determined to make it happen and if anyone could make it happen, it would be her.

Sure enough, they got pregnant. Unfortunately, she miscarried as well.  She refused to be beaten and she has changed my life because of that moment.

Everyday, she finds three good things in life. She has shared her story, day by day with strangers to offer support to them, and she is still optimistic for her family's future. In the past month I have stopped dwelling on what I'm not and what I don't have and instead have focused on the good.  I have to wake up early for work, so what; at least I have a job.  I have to clean my apartment, so what, it means I have a place to live.  When I wake up some days and don't want to roll out of bed I think of all the good in my life and it's so much easier.
That's the back story I guess so here it goes:



Dear Mrs. Casey Marnik Dobbins,


Thank you for changing my life.  Thank you for teaching me to see the good despite how many bad things are thrown in my way, thank you for helping me reach who I am today, and thank you for being a person I view as a role model.  You are an amazing woman and you will change the world.


xoxo.

January 11, 2011

Day 7-- Five Things I Couldn't Live Without

1. A camera or anything in the form of a camera.  An actual camera, the camera in my phone or any other means of capturing a moment forever.  When I look through my scrapbooks and old albums on Facebook, I revisit every event that those images present and I would be lost without many of them.

2. My rocks. (In no particular order) my mom, my husband & my siblings.  My mom is truly the most amazing person that I've ever met and having her in my life makes mine that much better. My husband is the male representation of my mom and when its the three of us, life is amazing.  It only gets better if you add in Nick, Derek, Kris and Abby.  When I think of these six people I think of a quote
                               "I am because you are" -- African proverb



3. My cell phone. Stupid, yes, unnecessary, yep, but I live in New Bedford and the rest of my family does not.  There are days I wish I could get rid of it so I could stop getting phone calls from work, texts from people I cant stand anymore, but without it, I'd be lost and disconnected from my family (see above).

4. School. Be it my classes that I'm attending, the classes I've already finished or the class I will hopefully teach one day-- school is an integral part of my life.  My best friends were formed in some level of school, I still GO to school, and now I'm teaching in a school.  Imagine what life would be like for me if formalized education had never been created?

5. Chocolate is the guilty number 5. paired with caramel, it's deadly. This only made the list because I DESTROYED a bag of Cadbury mini eggs tonight. Yep, a BAG.  I don't even feel guilty.  Add in my obsession with Godiva, Lindt, and even the little Bliss candies and I'm all set.  Tonight David joked my child would be "chocolate" from all the chocolate I've been consuming.  I'm fine with it.

There's my five. What's yours?

January 10, 2011

Today was a good day.

Today has been wonderful. beyond wonderful, easily one of the best days I've had in a long time. 

First off, I had the day off from Friendly's.  A day off is great, a day off where I don't have to go near there is even better  Don't get me wrong... it's great, the staff is (mostly) wonderful and I do well at it.  I've put in a few years already and I was very successful with the company.  However, i found that I could balance the "ehhhhh" side of Friendly's with the fact that I always had something else going on.  It was a part time job while I went to Bridgewater State, it was a full time job while I lived at home with my mom and the kids, and it was a full time job while I babysat Jack and Grace (aka. 2 of the most adorable kids ever who I spent a year and a half of my life with-- I'm sure we'll get to them again eventually).  NEVER did I just work at Friendly's. Since I left my two little ones at the end of August so I could balance a full-time manager job and my full time graduate studies, I have grown to resent the place more and more.  The job is the same, the people are just as good, but I'm missing something by working there.  I don't get to really interact with children.  It's one thing to ask how their meal is, it's another to sit them on your lap and read a story or watch their face explode with laughter after you "discover" them under the parachute. Which leads me to the next point...

2. I worked in a preschool today.  Not only did I work in it, but they offered me a position. Monday through Friday, day time hours, and they can accommodate my evening class schedule.  Seriously? I don't even have my CORI check back and they are offering me a job and letting me play in the classrooms.  That's the difference: at Friendly's, I work; at the preschool, I enjoyed myself.  After a talk with David about finances and the opportunity, we've decided I will accept the job.  this means I can step down at Friendlys and go back to just serving on the weekends.  Double win. I go back to the preschool in the morning. :)

3. I went to the doctor today, and if you ignore the fact that I was so preoccupied in the classroom that I was late to my ultrasound and ultimately had to reschedule it for Friday, it was amazing.  David came with me.  It was his first OBGYN appointment and he was so uncomfortable; it was great.  Although we missed the ultrasound he was in the room when they poke my belly, feel for the size of the uterus, and he got to hear the heartbeat. <3 David made the face that I've only seen a few other times. These include the night he proposed to me, the look on his face when I walked down the aisle, and few more intimate moments but it's a special reserved shit eating grin that I LOVE. When the doctor left the room, I looked at him and it just spread across his face.  I wish I could frame that image forever.

4. Kbiss came over for dinner and oh man, it was so good.  Rotini tossed with fresh veggies and chicken in a garlic butter sauce.  I may have outdone myself but it was so delicious.  Obviously you cant have dinner without a movie so I spent the remainder of the evening watching the new Narnia movie (for free) and eating popcorn (for free) and chocolate covered raisins (not free, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad). 

My life is nothing special but really when I look at it I wonder why I got to be as lucky as I am.  Today was a good day. <3

Day 6-- A moment you wish you could re-live...

Before I begin my post, I want to educate you a little bit on an organization called Be Like Brit.  This is the synopsis of the group and Brittney on their webpage:

In many ways she was a typical teenage girl but her humor, passion and deep sense of caring for those less unfortunate made Britney Gengel memorable to all who met her. It was her compassion for others that brought Brit to Haiti, just a day before a catastrophic earthquake that claimed an estimated 230,000 lives rocked the small, poverty stricken country. Britney had spent the day visiting a Haitian orphanage where she and fellow students from Lynn University, on a Journey of Hope, met the small Haitian orphans they had traveled so far to help. Just a few hours later, Britney, three of her fellow students and two Lynn professors were dead, crushed in the rubble of their hotel. Britney was 19. Her body was recovered 33 days later.

But Britney's dream did not die with her. Shortly before the quake, she had sent an text message to her family. "They love us so much and everyone is so happy. They love what they have and they work so hard to get nowhere, yet they are all so appreciative. I want to move here and start an orphanage myself."

In Britney's memory, her family has established the Be Like Brit Foundation, dedicated to serving the children of Haiti by establishing a safe, nurturing and sustainable orphanage where the poorest of the poor can grow, learn and thrive. Your donation can help keep Brit's spirit alive and bring hope to the thousands of Haitian orphans she wanted to help.

They broke ground yesterday.
Clearly I have never been to Haiti and I don't know Brittney but as I read her story and watched the video, I was overcome with an urge to go back to Belize. 

More back story: When I was little I thought I was going to live in Africa or Indonesia and work as a teacher and save the world, yep, definitely where I am in life... :/ However, in college I was offered the opportunity to do just that and I couldn't resist. I ended up in Belize with the most amazing group of friends and students I have ever met.

We worked at the Angelican School both teaching and constructing an outdoor eating pavilion so that the students had a place to eat that was not covered in mud during the rainy season.  One day, after laying cement all morning, one of the supervising teachers brought out a tray of watermelon.  My friend Lindsey and I sat there eating watermelon, in Belize, with kids poking my skin because it changed colors (I was sun burnt) and there are very few moments in my life where everything seemed to make sense the way it did there.  Whenever I am sad or feel like things aren't the way they're supposed to be, I think of that day.  I think of my little guy Treyvaughn who was very close to being put into my suitcase and being smuggled back into the US, I think about the chalk we played with and how overjoyed they were that we brought them pencils and markers and I realize that's what I want to do with my life forever.  I may not be able to travel the world now that I have a family of my own growing but I can live to make a child smile.

A year after I went to Belize, another group of of students went back.  The chaperone from my trip went again and he sent me a video of a little boy named Treyvaughn.  Every time I need to smile, I click on the video which is saved to my desktop and I relive that week over and over again.


video

January 9, 2011

50 Book Challenge- Book 2


The Book Thief

...my extra credit book for this semester's class.  It was good.  Sporadic and difficult at times. Jumpy and engaging. Tears brimmed my eyes on the last chapters.  I am not book critic and I will never claim to be but if you can get past the 600 pages, you'll find a remarkable book that exams the Holocaust in a very different way. That makes 2.

Day 5- A Favorite Quote

Today's blog wants to know my favorite quote and why but I don't want to do that. Instead, I'm going to leave you with a very short post today. My four favorite quotes:

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly,
but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty" - Maya Angelou


                                      "It's never too late
                         to be what you might
have been" - T.S. Eliot


"Just when the caterpillar
thought it's world was over,
it became a butterfly"- Proverb


"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined" - Thoreau


Many of these quotes have been produced and created in my favorite sets of cards and gifts. Check them out at Quotables

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